Favorite Bill Maher Quotes

"You hear about gas prices over two dollars a gallon and it makes you nearly choke on your four dollar latte."

"How come we have cars with GPS systems, satellite radio and voice activated web access, and we still have to power them with the black goop you suck out of the ground?"

"How come we [...] accept you can over-tax cigarettes because they're bad but burning oil into the atmosphere is ok? You can't smoke in a bar but you can drive-thru a restaurant?"

"It suddenly got less sexy to drive Hummers and other gas-guzzling fuck-you-mobiles now that it costs a hundred bucks to fill it up ... nobody's dick is that small!"

"Look at the air we breathe. I mean LOOK AT IT!"

"Don't pick a german pope the day before Hitler's birthday! I'm not saying it's anything but a coincidence but you've just given every consiparcy nut in the world a raging hard on."

"Jesus never said: let's have a pope, put a big crown on him, have him sit on a throne, live in a pallace and make him infallible."

"Fans of the cancelled tv series Star Trek Enterprise are trying to raise enough money on their own to pay for another season ... it's either that or go outside!"

"A human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy's chilli, [...] luckily it was only a finger, if it was a whole hand Congress would've voted to keep it alive."